I am and will always be a nice person.
Believe me, I’ve tried being anything other than nice but it just doesn’t work for me.
As far back as I can remember, people have always been telling me how nice or sweet or cute I am. As a kid, I couldn’t have cared less. I just wanted to play and have fun. Relatives would squeeze my cheeks all the time as an expression of affection and, to me, I never quite understood it. Turns out, they loved me because I was just so agreeable and also because they thought I was stinkin cute. And I was … but that’s another story.
I digress …
When I was in high school, I tried a few times to be more assertive, aggressive, more demanding, more snooty and maybe even a little bit mean. I even went as far as making a girl in my English class cry once with teasing. In the end, I felt like crap and secretly ran off to cry because I felt so awful about hurting another human being. The rest of my high school years was spent pretty much following the crowd and although I was never swayed by drugs, promiscuity or delinquent behaviour, there were times when I was a silent participant in a group of friends who were not the nicest to others. So although, I never actually was or did anything mean to others, I also never stopped friends from doing so either. Gulity by association was I.
Now on Twitter and Facebook and with my blog, people are always telling me how sweet and nice and positive I am. At work, co-workers come to me when they need someone to talk to because they know I’m a good listener. In my own family, I am usually the member that mediates arguments or disagreements. As for my friends, I am often the one they will call to vent or talk to about what’s troubling them. People flock to me this way because they know I’m nice and they know I’ll listen. I like it that people see me this way as opposed to any other way but, at the same time, being sweet or nice or good comes with downfalls.
When you’re nice you don’t tell people off because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. When you’re nice, you never seek out conflict and often let things that bother you slide. When you’re nice, you end up letting people walk all over you.
Because when you’re nice, everyone knows you couldn’t harm a fly.
Some days, I just want to tell people off. Some days, I just want to say no. Some days, I just wish I could care less if I disappoint people. Some days, I just don’t want to be the one who worries about everyone’s feelings and problems. Some days I just want to worry and think and do for myself.
Is that selfish of me? I don’t think so.
I’m taking it upon myself, starting now, to teach myself how to be more assertive with people in my life. I’m taking baby steps because I want to be successful with it. I want people to see me as nice but to know that I have feelings and beliefs and thoughts too and that they should be respected. I want people to know that just because I’m nice doesn’t mean they can treat me like crap.
One day at a time. One action at a time. One word at a time. I’ll take it slow but my mission is to one day become a more assertive version of the nice girl people see in me.
After all, I am and always will be a nice person.
That’s just ME.
Linking up with Carri from Adventures in Mommyhood
for her Sunday Funday blog hop!