I think I’m a pretty easy going person. Those who know me would agree. I’m pleasant to be around, easy to work with, supportive when I need to be and a good friend. I say this because I think they are important qualities to have and I value them when I meet others who share them with me. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone by something I say.Which brings me to the topic I want to discuss …
Honestly, I truly do not understand why people, mostly women, feel the need to judge other women when it comes to parenting. I do not understand the purpose of it nor do I see the reward in comparing parenting skills and making judgments about others. It bothers me when women do this to each other because I think it’s hurtful and wrong.
It happens all the time.
No one knows your children like you do. No one lives with you around the clock to see what goes on in your house like you do. No one has the right to tell you you’re parenting incorrectly or make judgmental comments about the way you teach, discipline and interact with your children. Your children are no one’s business but yours. (Unless you’re neglecting or physically abusing them – that’s different.)
End of story.
Over the years, I’ve met Moms from all walks of life. There are the first time Moms who read all the books and follow them religiously. They want to do everything right because they want nothing but the best for their baby. God knows I’ve been there. There’s nothing wrong with this. Sometimes following the books helps while, other times, a baby doesn’t fit into the categories outlined in such a parenting book. Not all kids (or people) are the same. Eventually, we all come to learn this.
I’ve met Moms who relentlessly brag about their children and talk as if their children are perfect. No one has kids like they do. No other children compare to their own. These Moms brag to the point where you actually want to gag up the breakfast you ate that morning. But I don’t. I just smile politely and hold my tongue. As Moms, we all think the world of our children.
I’ve met Moms who spend their entire existence trying to be that Super Mom. You know the type. They do absolutely everything you can imagine better than you to the point where you actually find yourself questioning your own dedication as a mother. Some of these Moms do this with genuine hearts while some Moms crave the validation that they are the best, the greatest, the most creative, most devoted Mother ever. For whatever reasons Moms do this, it makes them happy. Just remember, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.
I’ve met Moms who truly love their children and put them at the centre of their world. Every aspect of living revolves around making their children happy. They become so wrapped up in the lives of their children that they often forget about making them-self happy and often end up neglecting the relationship they have with their partner as well. In the end, some Mom’s loose sight of who they are, their partners grow resentful and the marriage suffers. I’ve seen it happen to the nicest of people.
I don’t like mothers who feel it’s their duty to tell other Moms how to and how not to parent their own children. The moms are opinionated, pushy and insensitive in their discussions with other Moms instead of offering advice that is sympathetic, supportive or encouraging. After all, we’re all in this motherhood thing together. Why not support one another?
I’m a good Mom.
Everyone is different. We all have our own ideas and beliefs and come from varying backgrounds. What works for one family may not for another. What works for one child may not for another. No book or person can tell you how to produce perfect children in a perfect way. Parenting is trial and error. Books can offer helpful advice of which some may be useful and some may not. It’s in the way the advice is delivered that is key!
So Moms out there, think before you talk. If you genuinely care and want to help someone by offering advice of your own, be sensitive in the way you share it. You are not the Mom of all Moms, the specialist Mom, the be all and end all of the Mom world. You are no different than any other woman out there who is trying their best to raise their children. If you’re genuine in wanting to help … just be nice.
And that, my Mom friends, is where I stand.