Tag Archives: friendship

pleasantly surprise me

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I found this quote on Pinterest the other day and it caught my attention because the words mean something to me. I should literally print it out and stick it on my fridge or bathroom mirror so that I can see it each and every day.

Source: thinknice.com via Bruna on Pinterest

Until  now, I have often found myself being disappointed in people. Not just your every day Joe but actual people who are around me almost every day, not including my family.

My family is there for me, always.

So friends.

I would pretty much do anything for a friend.

I don’t know about any of you but I need friends in my life and I am always a shoe-in for any kind of outing or gathering that requires spending time together.

I’ve learned in the last year or so that not all friends are as gun-ho to get together as much as I’d like and for reasons that are beyond me.

I get that people are busy. We all have families. I know there is never a minute of extra time in a day when you have kids and they have extra-curricular activities.

That’s my life, in a nutshell, and I am always willing to make time spend with friends.

Maybe they don’t socialize outside their family circle.
Maybe I need more social interaction then they do.
Maybe they’re just happy being friends who don’t hang out.
Maybe they’re just the sit-back-and-wait-for-someone-else-to-organize-something type of people.
Maybe it’s something else.
Maybe it’s me.

What I do know is that when you feel like you try too hard and nothing is reciprocated, you almost want to give up on said friendship.

But I don’t because that’s not me.
I don’t give up on people.

So instead of allowing myself to be disappointed in people, I simply remind myself that ” if I expect less of people, I can’t be disappointed in them”.

More so, when I least expect it, they might pleasantly surprise me.

I hope I’m right.

a friend is …

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The other day, while having a chat over coffee with a friend, we ended up in a discussion about friendship.

The friend, from here on out, will be referred to as Judy to protect her identity.

Judy confided in me that for the last year or so, she has been struggling with her feelings about a particular friendship of hers that has undergone some change.

Before sharing her story about this struggle, she asked me to give her what I would deem my definition of a friend.  Easy task, I thought. I’ve had an abundance of them over the years and said the following:

“A friend is someone you trust, adore, look up to, believe in, laugh with, cry with, support, feel affection for and who is not related to you”.

Judy seemed content with my definition but then asked me what I would consider to be my expectations of friendship. So I thought about all the things I felt made me a good friend.

I’m kind.

I compliment.

I’m supportive.

I do my very best to be there for them when needed.

I’m caring.

Thoughtful.

Patient.

Understanding.

Honest.

Trustworthy.

Fun.

Encouraging.

And I always listen.
And I listen well.

I shared this with Judy and she smiled.  She then asked me if I had friends who were all of the things I listed about myself.  I thought about it quickly and just as I was about to respond yes, I stopped.

I have friends. Definitely, I do but do they match all the qualities I listed about myself as friend?  Um, honestly, the answer is no with the exception of one friend who comes pretty  darn close but that’s because we’ve known each other since we were five. My other friends fulfill some of the qualities on my list but not all.

Judy went on to say that her struggle with a particular friendship stems from the disappointment she feels when her friend doesn’t fulfill her own list of expectations for friendship. If a friend isn’t to Judy what Judy feels she is to her friend, she harbours feelings of doubt and disappointment in them which then leads her to question the friend’s loyalty.

I thought about this for a second and then realized how very easily this can happen in any relationship.  How as people we set ourselves up for disappointment because perhaps we expect people to be like us and when they don’t reciprocate friendship in the same way, we doubt their loyalty.

Judy’s definition of a good friend lists 20 things.
My definition listed out 13.
An other person may only have 5 on their list.
And so on, and so on.

When it comes right down to it, everyone has their own ideas about friendship and all that it entails.  It may or may not match our own.

The on-line Oxford dictionary defines friend as a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

A pretty simple definition.

To me, a friend is so much more than that.
To Judy, friendship is so much more than even what I expressed above.

Which leads me to the realization that sometimes I, too, feel disappointment when a friend may not be for me what I think I am for them. Just because I would re-arrange my schedule to spend time with a friend doesn’t mean that they would do the same. Does this mean they like me or value me any less than I do them? Not necessarily … but … it’s not uncommon to feel this is the case.

I learned a lot about my own feelings and expectations for friendship via my little chat with Judy the other day.  She made me think about relationships in a way I hadn’t before.

Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don’t say. – Anonymous

I think true friendship isn’t being inseparable, it’s being separated and nothing changes. However, the moment a person shares their time with you, they have shared a part of their life with you. And this is what makes friendship special to me.

We all need friends but maybe some of us need them more than others.

Do you expect your friends to be the kind of friend you know you are?

 

 

bffs, besties, buddies, girlfriends

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Since we were little girls, my best friend Rosa and I always dreamed we would grow up, get married and have daughters who would end up being best friends like us.

Well, we did have daughters and although they’re only six, they’re well on their way to building a pretty good friendship.

I guess only time will tell.

and then, she {snapped}

 

old friends, new friends, true friends

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My life has been filled with an abundance of friends. Those who have come and gone and those who have stuck around.

I would rather have a handful of girls in my life who come by the name friend honestly than too many friends who say they are friends but really are not.

A friend is there for you through the good and the bad and not just when it’s convenient. Friendship is not situational. If you move, change jobs or go through a divorce, a friend sticks by your side no matter what.

A friend knows when you’re down and goes out of their way to cheer you up. When you tell a friend that something they do bothers you, they go out of their way not to do it again.

A friend is not jealous of what you have or have accomplished. They are truly happy for your blessings or success.

A friend is someone you trust and respect.  If you find yourself questioning or doubting their loyalty, then maybe they are not as true as you think.

Three of my friends have been in my life for what seems like forever. They are true friends. They care about me and I care about them. They have stuck around through thick and thin.

Which brings me to my quote for this week …

This quote resonates with me because I believe it to be very true.

R has been in my life since we were five.  She’s like a sister to me.

We first met in Kindergarten.

B and I became good friends during our early 20′s.

S and I met in our twenties through boyfriends who were friends.

All of us have been through a lot together.
Good times. Bad times. In between times.

We’ve experienced heartbreak, the loss of loved ones, celebrated marriages and the births of our children.  To this day, we still get together to celebrate our birthdays.

True friends are hard to come by these days.

So when you’ve got a few, keep them close to you and don’t let them go.

Love you R, B and S!

bestfriends

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It’s Tuesday, which means time for Quotable Bits with Bianca from Bits of Bee.  Last week, I spent a lot of time searching for random quotes.

I found two of them I liked.

{via here}

Originally, I saw this one in my news feed on Facebook. I had to laugh when I read it because, on some days, I totally feel this way.  Sometimes I wonder why I stay connected with some friends when I don’t really feel like there’s anything there.

On other days though, I feel like this quote.

{via here}

I’m lucky to have a few girlfriends I can truly call best friends.  Even when we don’t see each other or hang out as much, I know they’re there and still care about me.

I know that life gets busy. Everyone has a family.  It’s not easy coordinating a time that works for all.

There’s something to be said, though, for putting in that extra little effort to make sure we get together regularly.

We need to get together to vent, laugh and be silly.

It keeps the female soul healthy and happy :)

So my advice for you today:

Always tell your friends how much you love or care about them. Its always nice to hear those words.

Sometimes friends need reminders that you’re there and missing them.

Don’t wait for your friends to organize an outing. It takes two people to keep a friendship going strong.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

wordful wednesday ~ the sister bond

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Don’t be fooled by the hugs that these two share.

With the hugs come also the fighting.

There are days when they play so nicely and other times when they get on each others’ nerves.

They do everything together.

But this will change come September.

Little B will begin Kindergarten and be gone all day.

Little H will be on her own without her sidekick.

I know they’re going to miss each other but I think the change will do them good.

I’m just not looking forward to the transition.

Little B will fine.

Little H, on the other hand, will miss her big sis.

Only time will tell.

 

girlfriends: bff’s, lovelies, gal pals

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Girlfriends.

We want them.

We need them.

We seek them out.

Some of them stick around forever. Some of them for a short time. Some of them we dispose of just because.

Why?

We need girlfriends because we are women. Simple as that. We need to bond with other females so we can share, experience, vent, discuss, analyze and question everything. We are good at sharing our feelings, thoughts and emotions and we do it all really well as a team.

We wouldn’t be true to ourselves if we didn’t seek out Girl Time every now and then. We need it, really. Without it we feel lost. Alone.

But …

We sometimes get on each others nerves. We sometimes cross the line and say too much or we wimp out and say too little.

We sometimes take each other for granted. We sometimes suffocate the other.
We sometimes hurt each other without even knowing. Perhaps, sometimes we hurt each other on purpose just because we’re hurting ourselves.
We sometimes can even be jealous of each other.

Also …

Most of us learn to value the true meaning of friendship while others still have a lot to learn.

Friends are there for you when you need them, not when it’s convenient. Some friends just use, abuse and dump on you repeatedly. These friends need to go. They’re useless.

We know which friends are real yet we often hold on to the friends who are not in hopes that one day they’ll come around. I wouldn’t hold your breath for too long.

Finally …

We all know who our true friends are. It’s not that hard to figure out. We need to hold on to them. Tight. Don’t disappoint them. Treat them well. Let them know often how much they mean to you.

We girls need our friends but … only some of them will be keepers.

Linking up with Java from Never Growing Old today:)

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day 2 ~ something you love about yourself

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I think I’m a good friend.
I think I pretty much always have been.

I’m not pretentious, snobby, mean, bossy or hurtful.
I’m pretty darn nice, actually.

Not to sound conceited but if ever asked to describe my idea of a good friend, I think a description of myself is what I would generate.

Let me explain … 

I take everything that I find frustrating and annoying about people, my pet peeves, and I go out of my way to make sure I’m not like that with the people that mean a lot to me.

I’m a very good listener. If someone is talking to me, I make sure to actively listen to them.  I dislike it when people pretend to listen to you while in conversation but are really looking elsewhere or are evesdropping on a nearby conversation. I always make sure to stay focussed on the person talking. I nod and keep eye contact so that they know I really care about what their sharing.

I’m supportive of my friends, even when I don’t agree with a friend’s choice or decision. I listen to them, kindly offer up my take on the situation and then step back. Ultimately, it’s not my place to judge a person or tell them what they should or should not do. I’m good at respecting people’s thoughts, ideas and choices.

I’m forgiving of my friends. I’ve had friends disappoint me in the past whether it was not being there for me when I needed them or being mistreated by them.  I believe I’m pretty tolerant and patient with people. I may not always forget when I’ve been hurt and by whom but I’m capable of forgiving them and moving on without damaging the friendship.

I care a lot about my friends. If they’re hurting, I feel for them. I worry about them just as much as I do members of my own family. A few of my friends I consider to be like sisters.

I very rarely, with the exception of one, give up on my friends. I’ve had a friend not speak to me for a year for a reason way beyond my control. Given the special situation, I chose to be patient with her  in hopes that one day she would come around. As much as I knew how difficult the situation was for the friend, it was also hard for me to deal with my emotions during that particular part of my life. I’m thankful I didn’t give up on her because, to this day, we are again good friends. It’s as if nothing ever happened.

I’m so ridiculously sure I’m a good friend that if ever I find out that someone doesn’t like me <for whatever reason they give>, I have a really hard time accepting the fact and will often go out of my way to be even nicer to that person. When you’re always nice to people, it’s really hard to understand why someone would dislike you. 

My motto?
Treat others how you would like others to treat you. 
Pretty simple.

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