Tag Archives: parenting

mom shades

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It’s funny how when we’re kids, we see the world one way and then when we become responsible, child-rearing adults … everything changes.

Now that I’m a grown-up (most of the time), I wear mommy shades and see a whole other world I never knew existed.

Sure I saw all of the hard work and effort my mom put into raising my sisters and I.
Sure I saw her grumpy and tired self every now and then.
Sure she lost her patience with us when we would argue over toys, clothes or time in the bathroom.
Sure she never got to go out on any “date nights’ with my dad or spend much quality time together.
Sure she was always cleaning, cooking, washing, folding, organizing and managing

But … she made it all look easy.  At least that’s the way I saw it while wearing my kid glasses.

I always said that when I became a mother, I was going to be a kick-ass one. I was going to be cool, fun, laid back and stylish.  I was going to be a less grumpy mother than my own.  The teenager me swore that I would be the best mom ever.

Silly teenager glasses! Oh how you distorted my perception of reality.  Once I was awarded my mommy shades, I learned the real truth about motherhood.

No one ever told me that once I became a mother …

I would never be able to do my business in the bathroom without an audience.

I would never sleep the same or get enough sleep again.

I would never have a moment to myself.

I would be sweeping the kitchen floor 100x a day, picking up toys 50x a day and washing dirty, stinky clothes every day.

I would become physically drained from having to chase after kids all day long and break up fights over toys.

I would become emotionally drained from all the worrying about them.

I would miss adult conversation.

I would have to schedule having a shower.

My stylish wardrobe would consist of jeans and t-shirts.

A trip to the grocery store on my own would feel like winning the lottery.

But most of all, no one told me that once I became a mother … a simple little smile could melt my heart, the cuddles would warm my soul, and watching them grow and change would make me so proud.

I brought these sweethearts into the world and no matter how challenging it all may be and how often I feel like I’m failing at it, my true reward comes from knowing that my girls love me unconditionally – Grumpy Mom or not.

motherhood: the good, the bad & the ugly me

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When I signed up to be a mother, I knew it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and roses.  I knew it would be challenging as are all things you first try, but I also expected it to be the most beautiful experience of my life.

And it was.

It still is.

THE GOOD

Although I hated the weight gain, I loved being pregnant.  To be able to feel movement inside of you is truly miraculous and life changing. For me, it was my favourite part of pregnancy.

When your child is born and they place it in your arms for the very first time, nothing surpasses the deep love you instantly feel for a little being you’ve just met.  In fact, this love I talk about develops slowly throughout the pregnancy as your child  grows inside the womb and … it never goes away.

When my babies were born, I loved the feedings, the snuggles in bed, the hugs and kisses and the bright-eyes that greeted me after every night’s sleep or daytime nap.  I still do.  I love crawling into bed with my girls even now and waking them up in the morning with kisses on their sweet little faces.

I loved the pride I felt when each of my girls overcame or conquered each infant and toddler milestone. However difficult certain stages of growth may have been and how exhausted I always felt running after them, I enjoyed each stage of their development and would not have had it any other way. I say this now because the baby stage is over, I know. Hindsight always wears her positive specs, doesn’t she?

Even now that my girls are older, I feel extreme pride while listening to one read, watching them create and design little art projects or master the monkey bars, ask probing questions or wanting to discuss topics they’ve learned in school. I adore how their little minds and bodies work, grow and change.

Most of all, my heart swells with the ways each of my children love me.  Even the teenager shares moments of affection for me every now and then. I will take any amount of hugs, hand holding or kisses from my girls, any time or anywhere.

THE BAD

With everything good and wonderful, come also the challenges and heartache.

Above anything else, I hate the worry that comes from having children.

When the kids are sick, I am always a nervous wreck. When they’re in pain or suffering from the symptoms of a head cold, bad cough or stomach bug, my heart hurts and I’m stressed until I see them on the mend or know that medicine is doing it’s job.  I have a really hard time sleeping through the night hearing the coughs and moans and knowing that my little sweethearts are not well.

When you’re a Mom, you secretly wish you had access to a magic wand so that you can take away any hurt, sadness or discomfort your children experience as they grow and develop.

THE UGLY ME

This side of me jumps out every once in a while and especially when my girls wake me up in the night because of bad dreams. Of course, once awake, they ask me to lay with them because they’re frightened and when it happens once in a while, I oblige them because I clearly remember how it felt to be awaken suddenly from a nightmare. When the waking up in the night starts happening continuously, like it has been lately, I really just want to say, ” No!  Mommy needs her sleep so stop your crying and get back to bed! “.  Clearly, I don’t do this but there are many times when I’m so far spent I just want to say it and walk away. It’s crazy what a lack of sleep can do!

Needless to say, this mama does not sleep well in the kiddo beds and has not been getting her regular dose of Zzzz’s lately. Without a good night’s sleep it’s really hard to get through a day of work let alone mothering 3 girls and taking care of a household.  One sleepless night is manageable but two sleepless nights in a row brings out “the ugly me”.  Add frustration to the lack of sleep and it’s a recipe for losing my patience, raising my voice or saying something to them I regret later.

When this stage of “ugly me” emerges, I need to step back and regroup.

I remind myself that this is only a stage and that, like every other stage the girls have gone through, this one will eventually pass.

I think about all the women out there in the world who struggle to conceive and bear children and the extent they would go to be in my shoes, challenges, frustrations and all and I’m put in my place, big time.

Perspective, after a strong cup of coffee, helps me pull through the most challenging of mothering times.  These little people who live with me, mean no harm. They’re just trying to figure out this big old scary world and need my help to learn the ropes of life.

After all is said and done and experienced, I signed up for this job knowing that it wouldn’t always be easy.  I just hope that once my girls are grown-ups, they have fond memories of me being a good mother and not a scary one.

the older mommy

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When I started Kindergarten, my Mom was 25.

I thought she was young, fashionable and super cool.

So did the boys in my elementary school.

They all got silly around her and told her she was beautiful every time they saw her.

When I started high school, my Mom was 33.

Although I may not have liked her as much as I did in elementary school, I always saw her as youthful and trendy.

She was the young Mommy.

 

My Little B started Kindergarten this year.

I’m 41 and a half.

I know, right?  41 and a half.

Doesn’t that sound … old ?

Okay, how about older?

Little B has had two play-dates with friends so far. One Mom invited me over for tea and I had a Mom over to my place for coffee.

Both Moms are in their early 30′s.

I’m at least 10 years older than them.

10 years!

When I think about it all, it feels odd.

I’m the older Mommy.

 

Two generations.
Two very different aged Mommies.

Would I do any of it different?
Not if it changes anything about my life right now.

Young or old …

they still love me.

Me and my Mom.

always trying to find the balance …

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Since the kids got out from school at the end of June and summer vacation began, my family and I have been going full force.  We’ve been keeping ourselves so busy that I can’t remember being at home one weekend in the month of July. During the weekdays, the girls have been going to daycare part-time but enjoyed a week-long summer camp at Little B’s old preschool. On days when the girls have been home, we have been out and about trying to find things to entertain us.

A week or so ago, I had to stop the go, go, go and take a breather. I was literally exhausted. At this point, I realized I was trying to do too much. Between trying to keep my teen’s daily schedule full doing things with her friends so she’s not lying around watching TV and socializing on the computer all summer, I was trying to find activities and outings that would keep the little ones from going stir-crazy. On top of all this, I was trying to squeeze some blogging time into my schedule.  My bloggy friends were asking me to guest post for them and as excited as I was to do a few here and there, I literally had to say no to a few friends because I started getting in a little over my head. Between trying to keep the hubs happy with fun weekend adventures, the teen happy with a busy friend schedule and the little ones happy with daily activities, I was completely burning out without even knowing it.

Needless to say, all the above is my own fault.

I get in way over my head very easily and in many areas of my life. I find something I love and I put all my energy and time into it without thinking about overdoing it until I crash.

Take blogging for example.  I love it so much I want to do it every day.  Impossible!  I have three kids, a husband, a home to clean and soon a part-time job again once September begins.  There is no way I can blog every day and keep everything and everyone in my life happy, including myself. And by blogging every day, I mean writing for my own blog, reading other blogs I like, commenting on them and doing the Twitter thing to socialize with my bloggy friends. It’s. Just. Too. Much.  I honestly don’t know how other Mom bloggers do it all, keep their family happy and work outside of the home.

So what’s this Mom to do?

I have come up with a plan. Not surprised are you? Plans are my forte.

The Plan…

I love my Lets BEE Friends Feature on Fridays.  I’m not changing anything about it. Just keeping it the same because it’s fun to find and feature existing and new friends. I love the link-up and getting to read everyone’s blog posts.  This will stay the same!

I love my Mama Teach Us on Mondays.  I’m going to change something about it though.  So far, I’ve been consistently posting every Monday. From now on, I may or may not have a new post up for this meme.  When I’m finding myself in a crazy busy time with work and family, I may skip a post one Monday here or there.   So don’t be surprised if you visit one Monday and I don’t have something new for you.

Everything else on Bees With Honey will remain the same.  I may not have a post for you every day, but when I do, I will continue to rant and rave about my life like I usually do.  Heck, how else do you think I maintain my sanity?

Thanks for understanding :)

 

don’t judge my parenting

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I think I’m a pretty easy going person. Those who know me would agree. I’m pleasant to be around, easy to work with, supportive when I need to be and a good friend.  I say this because I think they are important qualities to have and I value them when I meet others who share them with me. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone by something I say.Which brings me to the topic I want to discuss …

Honestly, I truly do not understand why people, mostly women, feel the need to judge other women when it comes to parenting. I do not understand the purpose of it nor do I see the reward in comparing parenting skills and making judgments about others. It bothers me when women do this to each other because I think it’s hurtful and wrong.

It happens all the time.

No one knows your children like you do. No one lives with you around the clock to see what goes on in your house like you do.  No one has the right to tell you you’re parenting incorrectly or make judgmental comments about the way you teach, discipline and interact with your children. Your children are no one’s business but yours. (Unless you’re neglecting or physically abusing them – that’s different.)

End of story.

Over the years, I’ve met Moms from all walks of life. There are the first time Moms who read all the books and follow them religiously. They want to do everything right because they want nothing but the best for their baby. God knows I’ve been there. There’s nothing wrong with this. Sometimes following the books helps while, other times, a baby doesn’t fit into the categories outlined in such a parenting book. Not all kids (or people) are the same. Eventually, we all come to learn this.

I’ve met Moms who relentlessly brag about their children and talk as if their children are perfect.  No one has kids like they do. No other children compare to their own. These Moms brag to the point where you actually want to gag up the breakfast you ate that morning. But I don’t. I just smile politely and hold my tongue.  As Moms, we all think the world of our children.

I’ve met Moms who spend their entire existence trying to be that Super Mom. You know the type.  They do absolutely everything you can imagine better than you to the point where you actually find yourself questioning your own dedication as a mother. Some of these Moms do this with genuine hearts while some Moms crave the validation that they are the best, the greatest, the most creative, most devoted Mother ever. For whatever reasons Moms do this, it makes them happy. Just remember, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

I’ve met Moms who truly love their children and put them at the centre of their world. Every aspect of living revolves around making their children happy. They become so wrapped up in the lives of their children that they often forget about making them-self happy and often end up neglecting the relationship they have with their partner as well. In the end, some Mom’s loose sight of who they are, their partners grow resentful and the marriage suffers. I’ve seen it happen to the nicest of people.

I don’t like mothers who feel it’s their duty to tell other Moms how to and how not to parent their own children. The moms are opinionated, pushy and insensitive in their discussions with other Moms instead of offering advice that is sympathetic, supportive or encouraging.  After all, we’re all in this motherhood thing together. Why not support one another?

I’m a good Mom.

Everyone is different. We all have our own ideas and beliefs and come from varying backgrounds. What works for one family may not for another. What works for one child may not for another. No book or person can tell you how to produce perfect children in a perfect way. Parenting is trial and error. Books can offer helpful advice of which some may be useful and some may not. It’s in the way the advice is delivered that is key!

So Moms out there, think before you talk. If you genuinely care and want to help someone by offering advice of your own, be sensitive in the way you share it. You are not the Mom of all Moms, the specialist Mom, the be all and end all of the Mom world. You are no different than any other woman out there who is trying their best to raise their children. If you’re genuine in wanting to help … just be nice.

And that, my Mom friends, is where I stand.

countdown to bedtime

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Ever watch Nanny 911?

Ever tempted to call the show and ask them to come check out your kids?  Read on … and please tell me that this happens in your house too!

Every day, between the hours of 5-8pm, my youngest two girls, turn into abominable little monsters. Yes, that’s right. I called them monsters.  Bad Mommy, whatever.  It’s the truth.  I can honestly admit that, as sweet and beautiful as they are, my little girls go bananas during the last three hours before their bedtime and obviously because they’re seeking attention.

Why?

We hug them and kiss them all the time! We talk, play and read with them on a daily basis.  We have rules and consequences and follow through with them.  We love them to death!

I don’t understand.

Little B is four and Little H is two.  Throughout the day, they play nice together.  The have the odd squabble over a toy or disagreement during a game but, for the most part, they get along.  As soon as either Mommy or Daddy get home from work, all hell breaks loose.  They become the biggest attention mongers I have every met in my life and that’s pretty surprising being that I’m a First Grade Teacher by profession. You see a lot of attention mongers in the first grade. Nothing; however, beats the performance my little girls put on from the time dinner is placed on the table and up until we put them to bed for the night. Most days,  husband and I collapse from pure exhaustion!

It doesn’t end there, either.  I cannot remember the last time husband and I had a discussion with each other that lasted longer than two minutes. One of the girls, if not both of them at the same time, will interrupt us with a question or request. It’s almost as if they scope us out beforehand and say to each other, “Look! Mommy and Daddy are about to start talking to each other.  Let’s interrupt them. Little H, you start crying! I’ll run around the living room yelling”.  You can imagine the rest.

Can any of you parents out there relate?

HELP!

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a balancing act

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Ever wonder how you do it, sometimes? Life that is.  How you get through each day trying your best to make everyone happy?

Sometimes I feel like I fly by the seat of my pants, while other days , I feel like I can take on the world.  Being a Mom and working isn’t easy and I only work half time. I can’t imagine how some of you Mom’s out there work full-time and still hold on to your sanity!   I don’t want to sit here and complain because, really, I am very grateful for everything that I have in my life.  As hard as it can be trying to balance home and work life, I would never change it.  I love being a Mom and having a career too.

The most challenging part of working, and I’m sure many Moms will agree with me, is having to come home and cook, clean and care for your family.  Of course those three things also encompass playing with the kids, helping with homework, making lunches for the next day and spending some time together before bed.

{via here}

On work days, everything always seems so rushed!  On days when I’m home, I find myself trying to catch up with household chores like laundry and basic cleaning. Fun, isn’t it?  On top of that, I also try to fit in doing fun things with the kids. By the end of the week, though, I realize I feel burnt out and have had no time to myself.    Unfortunately, Daddy is in the same boat too. Both of us try our best to give each other time off but is it ever really enough? Not really.  This, however, is what parenting is all about and we embrace it , although sometimes  with “grumpy”, open arms.

If you stand back and look at the big picture, as opposed to the  chores and responsibilities that encompass your days, you realize that the moments you get to share with your kids is truly priceless no matter how tired you are at the end of the day. They grow up so fast and before you know it, they’re gone.  So as easy as it is to become frustrated with trying to balance it all, it’s so important to remember what really matters ~ enjoy each stage of life with your family as it comes before you because once it’s gone, you never get it back.

Family, no matter what kind, is truly the centre of life.

a wise 4 year-old

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I have the best conversations with my 4 year-old daughter.  I’d like to take all the credit and say that she’s so bright because of all the wonderful things we teach and do with her. I’ve come to the conclusion though that she was simply born smart.  Her brain is like a sponge working overtime. She loves to watch shows on the Treehouse Network. She learns big vocabulary words on shows like Franklin and The Magic School Bus. She takes everything in and is curious about everything she hears.  She asks a million questions, likes to clarify facts and share what she’s learned with others.

Sometimes, I forget she’s only four.


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She is the most thoughtful little girl I know.

I love you Little B.